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[14 Jun 2005|12:46pm] |
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changed my pic..
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[04 Apr 2005|08:17pm] |
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gah i feel old , my birthday was good . i had fun
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[01 Apr 2005|06:28am] |
Heute ist meine geburtstag !
and i feel old ..... * tear* lol
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[21 Mar 2005|11:31am] |
hmm my birthday is soon .... whoopie ! ..
yes that is my update . Miss you all ...
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[07 Feb 2005|02:24pm] |
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Beau commented to me ! . I love him!!!! but he still needs to call me for i miss him sooooooooo much
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[27 Nov 2004|08:29pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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I miss Beau so much ...
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| UPDATE |
[04 Nov 2004|08:10pm] |
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 PISSED |
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UPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATEUPDATE......
LIFE FUCKING SUCKS AS OF NOW ..I HATE IT
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[18 Oct 2004|07:12pm] |
I cant help to think
...Did he really have feelings for me
Or was it all a dream
When he held me
Did he do it to make me happy
Or did he do it because he missed her ?
Did he care I was sick
Or did all he care about was his own satisfaction
Is the word love ..only plutonic ?
Did he know I was upsett?
Was it all a lie ?
Does he look me in the eyes and lie to my face ?
The truth is ..he did
With eyes wide open
He lied
Just like in the past
Almost a year ago
.................
So much for the afterglow..
Update: still sick ...Still ....still sick
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| Away for a while... |
[11 Oct 2004|03:17pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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Sorry guys , but I have seemed to have fallen Ill again . But I will be okay . But I am available to talk on my cell and so if you wish you can call me .
I hope to see you all soon
Love
Kephri
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| Pain |
[07 Oct 2004|08:50pm] |
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Hurt |
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Im in so much pain . In all many ways . My body aches , aches for so much . Im so hurt I cant think . I cant even close my eyes . It hurts to breath ...so much pain ..
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[06 Oct 2004|09:55pm] |
"A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. *Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.
(In the paper the next day): A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. 2 people were on it, but only 1 survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die. "
If there's anyone you love this much, post this in your journal.
(stolen from Laura)
INSTRUCTIONS- write about 10 of your friends without saying their name
(1) I met this girl by meeting her brother , i love her so much ! My best friend
(2) hmm this is my only black friend.... but i love her she is so white.
(3) This guy is so awesome. I met him online because he was a very nice person online . I loved all the talks we had and hes a great person to so many people
(4) Now this guy, him and I are super cool with eachother I met him through person 3 ( like almost everyone i talk to online haha) but we had good times together , and i really did love you ..
(5) This guy is my fiance now . I very loving person who means alot to me , I feel we click instantly haha
(6) This girl was a great person to me , hours of love and biting ;) with every chance we had we are together
(7) I Loved him for a year , almost made it a marrige ....but you know how that is
(8) This girl is awesome, whenever i say poop i think of her! She is hilarious and so random.
theres more but i gotta do work . so i will see you guys later
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| Unknown Feelings |
[05 Oct 2004|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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 Sleepy and unknown feelings |
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Have you ever had the unknown feeling ? Where you feel so many things at once I guess you can say . Tonight I went for a walk down in Yardly at Lauras house . I was happy , I was helping her study , we were having fun ...But Matt , her boyfriend came over . I love Matt like a brother . And I find myself ignored when hes around her . Ignored to the point where I can do anything and they would not know . Like say for instance walk away while they laid together on the bed. I went online on the laptop no one on , I wanted Beau to be on so I would feel happy . Him and I were talking about the feeling of being in love the other day . Like in the movie Edward Scissorhands how that ultimate universal feeling of being in love with your soulmate , and at that time you know it , how I miss that feeling though I never found such a person ,I felt I had always come close. And on the contrary to my upsetting feeling of being alone. I am overwhelmed with the feeling of happiness for them . Especially Laura , shes waited for someone this special for a very long time and they deserve it . And if there is anyone to be blamed for them comming together it is I . But will I ever regrett what I did...I think not.
But I couldent help to find myself upset , not at them but at myself . We all walked down to the lake and I had laura's dog albert ...I spent a hour to myself. I was happy for them , but felt saddness for myself . I wish upon myself to not want love for a while. I prayed on the stars that I could hold back my tears . But I could not know if they were tears of joy for the two I could see far away in eachothers arms or tears of shameless embarassment for myself. I sat there in the chilled october weather , wet , holding the dog ...my only companion for the lonely night . Even he walked away . I wanted someone to be there , someone that I could fall into and have warm arms wrapped around me .
So , unknown feelings . All night I have felt lonely and heartbroken . Yet happiness for the two loves . I found sadness in my own life story , yet blessed that I got to see their love.
Love , A thing I took for granted , then forced myself to not want to feel for a whole year . A sacrifice at hand and I find myself falling for a deeper hole of emotionless life that I find myself holding regularly.
How can I make a perfect relationship , yet not let it be my own ? When will I ever learn my own lesson...
Kephri
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| weee! update |
[04 Oct 2004|08:56pm] |
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mood |
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 weee! |
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So yeah , I always get these complaints that I never update ...*looks at Beau*....*looks at teri* hahah , Yes I am so bored so I will update. Hmm work is good , I acctually got called back to a older job , well its not really old I still manage it and get paid but I never acctually go there except on the weekends. I do my work on my computer. Yes, and that job is good . But I started working at a horror farm called Sleepy Hollow thats fun . Yeah..Um I am very happy now at this time , I love this weather its fall!!! , Happy fall. So yeah im ordering minutes for my phone because I cant contain myself ...talking to SOMEONE everynight ;) haha. My dog has flees. I came to the conclusion that because I talk to Beau so much I think im developing A.D.D, . For example I was on the phone with him after work and I was walking in the woods and I saw a butterfly and I was like ," blah blah blah ...OH a butterfly!!!" and then I was looking for my dog , but telling him a story and I was like .."blah blah ...aaaaand my dog is shitting" ..So bored.
But even the best news and the best part of this update is this ...Dun dun dun ...Beau proposed to me ...Okay no I dont care that he was drunk . he still did it . and all day we have been thinking about the wedding . beau wants Cody to be his best man. And ...my maid of honor is not decided yet. But we are having alot alot of people. Its going to be All hollows eve , midnight , full moon or a harvest moon . He said hes wearing a pin strip suit with his hair black and some eyeliner haha . And I will wear a dress , I dono what color [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<comment [...] ;)>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] So yeah , I always get these complaints that I never update ...*looks at Beau*....*looks at teri* hahah , Yes I am so bored so I will update. Hmm work is good , I acctually got called back to a older job , well its not really old I still manage it and get paid but I never acctually go there except on the weekends. I do my work on my computer. Yes, and that job is good . But I started working at a horror farm called Sleepy Hollow thats fun . Yeah..Um I am very happy now at this time , I love this weather its fall!!! , Happy fall. So yeah im ordering minutes for my phone because I cant contain myself ...talking to SOMEONE everynight ;) haha. My dog has flees. I came to the conclusion that because I talk to Beau so much I think im developing A.D.D, . For example I was on the phone with him after work and I was walking in the woods and I saw a butterfly and I was like ," blah blah blah ...OH a butterfly!!!" and then I was looking for my dog , but telling him a story and I was like .."blah blah ...aaaaand my dog is shitting" ..So bored.
But even the best news and the best part of this update is this ...Dun dun dun ...Beau proposed to me ...Okay no I dont care that he was drunk . he still did it . and all day we have been thinking about the wedding . beau wants Cody to be his best man. And ...my maid of honor is not decided yet. But we are having alot alot of people. Its going to be All hollows eve , midnight , full moon or a harvest moon . He said hes wearing a pin strip suit with his hair black and some eyeliner haha . And I will wear a dress , I dono what color <Comment on this and tell me ;)> aaaand ...what else . In Nola , the french quarters . And alot of more stuff . I want a pretty ring hehe. Haha , hes so cute . He was like .." I would like to get married to a beautiful young wife" and I was like .....*silence* ..because Im older.He caught on eventually and all and yeah it was funny
So all in all , life had changed for the better I guess you can state. Maybe the season changing , nothing bad has happened and i got proposed to hahah .
Love ,
Kephri |
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| An old poem , awakening of sad lonely memories |
[29 Sep 2004|09:11pm] |
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mood |
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untitled
The world turns around as i know you are to come
Your my light and your my reason to breathe
Close to me you are , your all i see
Furture images come and go ,
Like little glimpses in a movie
Flashes of hugs and much much more
A relationship to be , one with you and me .
I see your lovely smile
Full of living bliss
No diffrence now
In my life you are
In my life please be
I never wished for more than you
Your my dream , my way of life .
To have you in my arms
For you to be here
I found that you made me who i am .
Who and what i always wanted to be
Time for meanings to come true
Breath holding secounds
Come to know the truth
If your are to be here with me
Perhaps it isnt all the same
Maybe dreams can come true
Close my eyes and see you in my paths
Open my arms to you , falling away
Floating away you are
Your my dream ..my everything
.....Taken away from me
Gone forever
Never to come .
Tears fall from the eyes that made you
A dream that was made ..never came true
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| brought to you by popular demand |
[28 Sep 2004|06:52am] |
Beau says I never update ....well I wrote this real quick so its choppy , its part 2 too my story ,alot is missingand all but ..oh well ..enjoy
The abuse that lila and I had to endure was some of the worst that many can immagion. My uncle was a worker in a building company , so he left us with his wife , whom which to mention had a mental disorder . She was a skitzo. She would sit at the table for breakfast while I served her , Lila was only 7 at the time . So i did all the work . But I would put my aunts plate down and she would say that I was the devil , or the reaper comming to get her , she wouldent take the food and she would slap my face sending me across the room .I would run water on my bruised face to hide it . I learned I had to do this because the first couple of times she hit me , my uncle came home and beat me saying that I had provoked my aunt. Lila learned how to sew by stitching gashes in my ams . She learned medicines and treatments from me that I had learned from my father , when she had to make ointments and put it on my legs , for my uncle would use a switch and beat me . Years and years went by , no celebrations for birthdays , Lila and I would celebrate in our little rooms . Our rooms were in this little shack , atleast 20 steps away from the house . one room , a little bathroom closet ..that was it . At the age of 15 I started to turn happy secreatly against my uncles will Lila and i went out at night to go see my old tutor .With my tutor he took a big step . he taught us how to deal with the beatings . How to center pain to another oplace and let it leave you . He also taught us to fight back but to make sure we never used it unless absolutly needed. He handed me lessons to do on my own and gave verbal lessons to lila . My uncle never taught Lila anything . Its amazing that she knew what she did . One night while we were studying , I grew very ill . My tutor took me to the house , saying he was walking by our shack and hear me screaming . My uncle , taking lila and i unto the house my uncle shoved lila away and beat me so hard infront of her . All I did was stand there , when i would normally fall . I felt everything as he beat the switch againt the back of my legs and my back . He screamed that I just wanted attention and i would not get it . But I was confused , he took me to his room but left and took lila to her shack I heard her cry my name but I couldent do anything . He came into the room , telling me words that no uncle should say to a neice I ran to the shack and stayed there clutched to lila . A month later was my time my uncle said . My father had arraigned a marrige when i was born . My uncle knew that he would get money from this deal . I was 16 now , Lila 12. I wasnt going to be married to this man . And i wasnt going to stay in the hell i was in . I made a deal with my tutor , I would get money that my fatehr had left , and run away . And my tutor , a non married single man . Would take care of Lila and take her to britian where he was from .
well i need to go to hell . i mean work lol bye all <3 kephri
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| An idea from my friend Beau |
[17 Sep 2004|11:17am] |
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This entry was kinda taken from a friend of mine , Beau. He wrote and entry of a somewhat story of his life , i decided to write some of my own , haveing to stop for now though , I will finish sometime of course . Cant let you know all about me yet we just met hehe. Welcome to my world ..
Earlist thing I can remember I believe I was about 5 or 6 . I was this dark skinned egyptian girl. My father was a very rich man , He was the partial owner or egyptian relics all over the world . He owned a museaum in Ciaro and Alexandria , Egypt . One in London . And one in germany. I lived my life in a huge house . With many people workin in it . But as a child I never could stay in that house . I was out running around the villages that were about 2 miles from my house . I didnt like rich society . I could give in one , I could dress up as my father wanted and go to balls and dance on his feet with him and all the upper class of Egypt and from around the world . But what I always did as a child was just play in the dirt , go swimming in the springs . Run wild in market places haha . But my childhood hit a major crisis at 2 weeks before my 7th birthday . I was very i'll I had to stay in the house with thick curtins on the windows so the sun wouldent bother me . I was diagnosed with a blood disorder , so they thought. This is where i started my belief on vampireism . I had a ....how do you say , a sign of the gods when I prayed for them to make my blood better . The believed that it was lukemia .My father and I spent the whole night crying on my bed. I had to stay inside my house pretty much all day until night fall . This is also when my deeply advanced insomnia started , still only an hour or two a night . I couldent go to school . So my father gave me the best of the best tutors . I started to get fairer and fairer . People not even believeing I was the child of My father . I looked Irish , as I do now . Long red hair , pale . I became a adult at the age of 8 , for I had all the troubles as one had at this age . My father was diagnosed with Diabetis. I had to give him injections..I had to do it ..no one else could I wouldent allow it . Well he got better with the injections and I was too . Then at mid 8 I was diagnosed with Bells' palsy . I was just ..depressed all the time . But I made up my time by learning lauanges ,helping my father in his buisness . Learning the Piano and the violin to impress the guests at our house . My 9th year was the same, my little sister Jessica was born to the lover of my father . She had complications of her lungs . She shortly died only living half a year of her life . I loved her so much and she was the first death that I had known , other than the one of the mother I never knew whom died in childbirth. Holding her in my hands made me know I was to be a mother . My lifes purpose was to have a family and to have a child. My Grandmother who had raised me when she was around had died as well with cancer . . My 10th year was the worst year of my life . It start out amazing . My father told me he would be away in london at my birthday . Of course I was saddened but I always was when he left . Little did I know it was a suprise party I was never happier in my life to see him and have him at this party . We stayed up late . All the children in the near by villages were there in my home . I looked diffrent from them , but I was just like them . I will never forget my fathers words . Telling the crowd in his blessing to me , that I was his princess, he loved me very much . and I was growing in his eyes , he knew I was going to be a young woman soon and he couldent wait to see me grow another 10 more years . Too this day I still hear him say those words . On the date of October 22 1991 my father died of organ failure due to diabetis . I was there next to him when he died . I stayed in his room for days just crying while I layed in his bed .He was the closest person to me . The only parent I had , the best friend I grew to love , and my teacher in life . As I write now tears stream down my face . To this day I think and pray for him everyday . After the funeral I was orderd to live with my uncle , one whom which disregarded himself from my family name . Little did I know what I was in for . I spent my last days in my home in the ritual room where my father and I prayed to the gods daily. I stayed in there , not eating or sleeping I cried and asked the gods why did they have to take him and not me . My father , as his will said was buried in a little tomb by the house . I went to the tomb while by bags were being put into the car . I gave him lillies , our favorite flower . and I left . To my uncles house in Damietta. Now my uncles house was at a poor part of egypt , I wasnt even worried about that I still had my tutor so I knew I was to get smart and get out of there as soon as possible. But as soon as I got there I was treated like shit . he was so abusive , him and his wife , the abused their own daughter . She passed away a year ago . Im still convised it is because of the abuse we had to deal with .. This is all my heart can handle for now ...im sorry but i will finish sometime in the furture
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[06 Sep 2004|12:18pm] |
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Out , call my cell 267 391 6707
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| do do do ... |
[02 Sep 2004|04:01pm] |
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mood |
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sore |
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Yeah today was very interesting . Im in one of those swearing moods . I cant help but swear . Damn it is my new like word to repeat . anyway um . Yeah today alot of like ..weird things happened . Like i had my off period and I went to the gym room and all and all the girls were dancing around and I walked in and all the girls in my classes were huddled around me and I was talking to them and all then they put on latin music and all no one was dancing and I asked why and this girl katlin said like no one knew how to dance . So I was like !!!!! and I started to dance .And Henry Padilla ( a spanish teacher) walked by and saw me dancing and he came in and we showed the girls how to dance . Hes really a good dancer .But yeah I went to the cafeteria then and got some food and went back to my room . But on my way back to the room i was like , 5 feet away and i had a bells palsy attack and it was really bad. so i kinda just like , layed my head down on my desk and kinda like cried . But then i had to get back to work . Eh im tired I dont feel like writing anymore imma go lay down
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| First day |
[30 Aug 2004|09:30pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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So ...first day .It was okay , I have 4 hour and a half classes 2 anatomy classes , 2 mythology to teach and then one for myself , Russian Studies , I know the Teacher , a good friend of mine . Hes gonna give me a text book to just look over if I have freetime. But the first peroid I have these like ..girls who are only about ..14 , 15 , who have these shirts cut up so their stomachs show and their skirts are so high . Now you have to see why im complaining . I wear that stuff sometimes . But some of these girls ..lets just say that they dont have a body figure for those clothes . I mean a few were really pretty . But yea . So I was an asshole for my first day . I sat in a seat in the back . Acted like I was a student and it worked . I asked people what they heard of the teacher . One girl said she hear the teacher was good and really pretty :) heheh I should have known better to ask a 11th grade guy " I heard shes hot as hell " well it was like 30 minutes in and the kid who I already know is going to be the class clown. this kid , Josh , stand up and goes to my desk and he sits down and hes like " Im the teacher miss ....miss ( he couldent say my name ) So I stood up and Said " Miss Kephri Demetquet , and your in my seat". Well everyones face turned red because they knew i was watching what they were doing . So I just talked to them ..handed out the pre papers and all . There more but i cant type I have such a headache and a stomach ache I feel so sick ...first day too . I hope I dont get ill but im afraid that i might . all on this full moon . I layed out on my roof and got drenched from the rain . Then I walked through the woods and ran with Rocky . But even though im starting all over and its beautiful out . I feel so sick ..
Guten Nacht
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| UGH!!!! |
[28 Aug 2004|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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Ugh ugh ugh ...I cant believe it , besides the fact that im really not in a good position of emotional stature right now . I get PUKED on haha....I was babysitting my friends baby and on a saturday night ...my LAST saturday night before im trapped by work . And I get puked on in my hair by the damn baby lol . I was not mad at the child I never would be ..just that ..I got puked on . But then I rocked him to sleep . Just when you expect it to be a "aww" *tear* moment ... It always reminds me , when I am around kids , that I am inable to have my own . Damn it , why me . I would be such a good mother ...not now but ..I will want to have kids one day . Why I am picked to not be able to have them . I want my OWN kid ...my flesh and blood to puke in this red hair ..But I guess its going to take a while to figure that one out too...
*~/Kephri/~*
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kephri490's journal